Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
