the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
