It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
