She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
