we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
