it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
