what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
