He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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