pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
