The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
