Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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