I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
that is very illegal...i love you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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