Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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