And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
then he tried to convert me to islam
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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