I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
