Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
