im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
