ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
birth control should be required to get into college
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
