dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I need to stop coming to work sober
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
