you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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