you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
