Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
