Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
