you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
