So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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