Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
