Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think people are normalizing furries
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
