Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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