I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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