i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
