ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I want to fling myself into the sun
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
