thus making me awesome and them whores
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
