my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
