He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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