So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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