I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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