Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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