Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
