I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
