I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
