So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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