So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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