I'm jealous of your bromance
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
