i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sober January is a disaster.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
