There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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