If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
