this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
