Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
