where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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