Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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