I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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