Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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