I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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