Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
