Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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